It’s been a recurring thought in my head
recently
This time last year I was walking the great
wall.
This time last year I was chasing geishas
in Kyoto.
This time last year I had arrived back into
Daegu.
But now, that thought is shifting.
Now, I’m thinking of how it is over two
years ago that I had been accepted to go to Korea.
Almost two years ago I moved to the other
side of the world knowing no one.
And almost two years ago I started the most
amazing adventure of my life.
Sometimes it all feels like just yesterday,
but sometimes it feels like it never even happened. Sometimes I struggle to
find the memories and I look back through my pictures and I wonder why I didn’t
take more to help me remember? Why did I never write a dairy or a blog?
I’ve started to settle back to life in
England but now it’s not the life I envision for myself. England has changed or
I have changed (really it’s probably both). I look at my typical week and I
realize I could be living the exact same life in any major city in the country
– or world.
And that’s why now I start to think about
the next place on my list. It seems as I’m steadily knocking destinations off
my travel bucket lists, I still find it never seems to get shorter. With every
item crossed off, 3 more get added. I went to Korea with the plan of spending
the year getting the ‘travelling thing’ out of my system, go back for my final
year of uni and then get a graduate job. Now instead I’m making plans to teach
in Russia or Korea for a year and thinking about where I can go travelling with
the money after.
But along with this wanderlust, comes that
little voice in the back of my head. That little voice that tries to sedate my
over eager travel enthusiasm. That voice that almost appears to actively try to
contradict any plans I make. That voice that says, “Can I really do this
forever?” It always gets me thinking about the alternate route most of my
friends are taking. I worry about the landmarks some of my friends are going to
start passing. I see my friends starting careers, saving for houses, planning
babies, and I wonder would I be missing out on these things.
There is honestly nothing I would rather be
doing with my life than to explore the world, so I am sometimes surprised that
I still have these concerns. I think I have these concerns, because I am
beginning to forge a life outside of what I have been taught is the “norm.” The
“norm” is university, job, marriage, house, kids, death mantra that has been
preached to all of us as the model of a successful life. This is something I’m
sure all graduates are aware of, and the pressure it can make you feel to
pursue a certain path.
As I’m writing this I’m listening to a
Whitesnake song which I feel explains my life. I don’t know where I am going and
I still haven’t found the answers I’ve been seeking. I still haven’t had that
ah-ha moment when it all comes together and I realize what my passion is, what
my purpose is.
At
the same time, my fears about the future is starting to vanish. I may not know
what direction I am headed, but I am increasingly confident that I am moving in
the right direction for me. While two years ago I was worried and questioning
whether Korea would be worth it, I now know 100% that it was.
I have enjoyed experiences most people
don’t even dream about. I explored North Korea and visited the DMZ. I climbed
volcano’s in Bali and rice fields in Vietnam. I lived in the most incredible
city in the world and learnt how to drink like a Korean. I travelled on bullet
trains, tuk tuk’s, elephants and very dodgy boats. I hung off the side of Maccu
tower and saw the sun rise at Angor Wat. I built new friendships with people
who are just as crazy as me and completely understand who I am. I could have
never imagined I would have fitted all this and more into a year.
I’m not religious, but I have a greater
faith in the idea that things happen for a reason and that everything will work
out in the end. So after all of this rambling on I think another year working
abroad is exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I’m optimistic about the
future, excited to discover what comes next.
I'd be intreseted to know of other people's experiences of not following the "norm" and whether they felt the pressure I have to conform.
