Missing the backpack

It’s been a recurring thought in my head recently

This time last year I was walking the great wall.

This time last year I was chasing geishas in Kyoto.

This time last year I had arrived back into Daegu.

But now, that thought is shifting.

Now, I’m thinking of how it is over two years ago that I had been accepted to go to Korea.

Almost two years ago I moved to the other side of the world knowing no one.

And almost two years ago I started the most amazing adventure of my life.

Sometimes it all feels like just yesterday, but sometimes it feels like it never even happened. Sometimes I struggle to find the memories and I look back through my pictures and I wonder why I didn’t take more to help me remember? Why did I never write a dairy or a blog?

I’ve started to settle back to life in England but now it’s not the life I envision for myself. England has changed or I have changed (really it’s probably both). I look at my typical week and I realize I could be living the exact same life in any major city in the country – or world.

And that’s why now I start to think about the next place on my list. It seems as I’m steadily knocking destinations off my travel bucket lists, I still find it never seems to get shorter. With every item crossed off, 3 more get added. I went to Korea with the plan of spending the year getting the ‘travelling thing’ out of my system, go back for my final year of uni and then get a graduate job. Now instead I’m making plans to teach in Russia or Korea for a year and thinking about where I can go travelling with the money after.

But along with this wanderlust, comes that little voice in the back of my head. That little voice that tries to sedate my over eager travel enthusiasm. That voice that almost appears to actively try to contradict any plans I make. That voice that says, “Can I really do this forever?” It always gets me thinking about the alternate route most of my friends are taking. I worry about the landmarks some of my friends are going to start passing. I see my friends starting careers, saving for houses, planning babies, and I wonder would I be missing out on these things.

There is honestly nothing I would rather be doing with my life than to explore the world, so I am sometimes surprised that I still have these concerns. I think I have these concerns, because I am beginning to forge a life outside of what I have been taught is the “norm.” The “norm” is university, job, marriage, house, kids, death mantra that has been preached to all of us as the model of a successful life. This is something I’m sure all graduates are aware of, and the pressure it can make you feel to pursue a certain path.

As I’m writing this I’m listening to a Whitesnake song which I feel explains my life. I don’t know where I am going and I still haven’t found the answers I’ve been seeking. I still haven’t had that ah-ha moment when it all comes together and I realize what my passion is, what my purpose is.

 At the same time, my fears about the future is starting to vanish. I may not know what direction I am headed, but I am increasingly confident that I am moving in the right direction for me. While two years ago I was worried and questioning whether Korea would be worth it, I now know 100% that it was.

I have enjoyed experiences most people don’t even dream about. I explored North Korea and visited the DMZ. I climbed volcano’s in Bali and rice fields in Vietnam. I lived in the most incredible city in the world and learnt how to drink like a Korean. I travelled on bullet trains, tuk tuk’s, elephants and very dodgy boats. I hung off the side of Maccu tower and saw the sun rise at Angor Wat. I built new friendships with people who are just as crazy as me and completely understand who I am. I could have never imagined I would have fitted all this and more into a year.

I’m not religious, but I have a greater faith in the idea that things happen for a reason and that everything will work out in the end. So after all of this rambling on I think another year working abroad is exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I’m optimistic about the future, excited to discover what comes next.

I'd be intreseted to know of other people's experiences of not following the "norm" and whether they felt the pressure I have to conform.